change is coming

change is coming


some people believe that life is, and that you are what you are. but life is not and neither are you. i don't say this in an attempt to confuse you, but rather as a starting point for the premise that we really have no idea as to what life is, nor do we know who we are.

most people understand that they can and do change from moment to moment. they also realize that who they are can be altered easily, either by their own determination or by happenstance. life, on other other hand, turns out to be a rolling snowball that can be difficult to alter in direction or form.
i don't intend to infer that you can't make a difference in the lives others. i am only saying that it is to change yourself. the world goes on, appearing to some to never change, while others see life as constantly changing. the truth is that change, whether we want it or not, is inevitable. how things will change is the continuous mystery. Generally, we cannot predict whether a change will be good or bad for us as individuals, but often find that what is good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander, as there is a yin and yang to all things.
some will reap the benefits and some will pay the piper.
even that which appears wrong ultimately may create the results for which we strive. it is the pursuit of happiness and not necessarily prosperity that we should be seeking, as, by not, most of us have discovered that money does not buy happiness, although some say it can be rented for awhile. and, of course, there's the old adage that if you don't think money can buy happiness, you just don't know where to shop.
I do know, however, that even though I accept life for what it is and myself for what i am, that i should continually strive to do and be better, therefore as we move forward, never forget that, "this too shall pass," both the good and the bad.
the times are changing , so hang on for the ride.if you live your life as you should, you are much better that i.
my intentions are good, but staying the course is not always easy, as i find i can resist anything except temptation. someday, that may change too.

the race is over

many years ago when i landed in Tampa Florida from the slow motion and romantic city of Shiraz, i didn't expect to see a city of Lincoln town cars, pink Cadillac, fuss ball hair do and early birds dinner at 5:00 pm.
the picture that i had was far from what i had growing up of united states, it was more like Manhattan.
full of hustle and bustle. or something of Texas landscape.

this was different. here the activity was bingo, driving 25 mile per hour and the fashion was bleached hair, ice blue eyeshadow and hot pink lipstick which went with their toasted tan and New York accent.

this beautiful city of Tampa has a boulevard which we lived on. it was the longest drive by the bay that stretches about 15 miles. it looks at the Davis island and harbor island. it ends one side in the port of Tampa and the other in mac dill air force space, yes that is the famous air force space.

any way i, like all other nice immigrant, got a car and registered for English school, and with a help of a translator friend got a driver license, ( she basically told the officer the right answer to every question while pretending to ask it from me). and started learning to read the map and find my way around the city.

back in my home town of Shiraz, Iran, our pass time was and is to cruise really fast in the congested street. basically the only activity for young adult comes down to borrowing a car from their dad and impressing other kids with their maneuver in street full of people, cars, buses and sometime animals.
compare what i am used to, driving here was unreal, people blinked 10 minutes before they turn. they would drive in one lane all the way to their destination. so racing with them was racing with the turtles. i would always win the race.

my everyday schedule was to go to school from 7 to 3 pm and went home, did homework. part of my homework was to watch 2 hours of TV.
of course i got hooked on opera right away. in 90s opera was more about the relationships and what went wrong in society. it was Jerry springer in more classy way. in my broken English i would hear how people got murder for saying the wrong things to someone or just being in wrong place in wrong time. it was all strange to me. and later in evening i would repeat it to my husband and he would say, that yes it is very dangerous out there.

a few weeks of this routine completely made me isolated from human and humane society. i was paranoid at everything and everybody. and it didn't help that my neighbor was an older man that picked out every time the elevator opened up.

in one of those muggy afternoon, i had my windows opened and cranked the music up, trying ro brush of homesickness. i stopped at the light and glanced to the car next to me. it was a man with Golden teeth waving his four finger at me. his car was broken and in bad shape. and if his smile wasn't bad enough he winked also.

as you can imagined, i thought to myself this is it. he is the kind they are talking about on TV., so i pushed the pedal little harder. i was hoping i could loose him. but he was right behind me. by next light he pulled next to me again. i tried avoiding him but he was still waving his four finger and he was not smiling. i was ready to cry, i closed my windows and i was racing the street when i spotted the police cars are blocking the road. i was a little relieved.
then i saw him waving at me to pull over to the side and flashing his light on top of his car. still unsure of the identity i pulled by the rest of the police cars.
i am in full blown hysteria. i speak in Farsi and English, incoherent completely. he said," ma am i told you nicely this is 40 mph street by waving my finger. you went faster. i tried to warn you again, still you went faster. before i stopped you, you were going 80 mph."
so they searched my purse and car and trunk, they told me," ma am this is not a race. " they pardoned me without ticket.

now, many more years later, Tampa is not like before thanks to the 2000 boom, we had 29 tower going up in one year in down town and even Donald trump thought we were worthy of his name for a tower.
the senior citizens have moved to a sun city retirement center.

the landscape of my life has changed too. i have 3 kids of my own which one is just started to drive. he is cautious driver, but there are many young fellow that cut in front of him. he gets all angry. and when he pulls over he says, this is not a race.
as for me, i just smile.

the years of my life

it is Monday morning. i look out my window, the ski is blue and sea is very flat and quiet. there is no wave or cloud in site.
it was not the same story yesterday, when i was trying to practice some lesson that i learned, on changing karma and adding years to my life.

they say it is all in planning, if you plan ahead , you can 90% guarantee that you would have a smooth journey.
whoever has said that, has not met me and my karma.
my karma is full of adventures, and roller coaster rides. it seems like as much as i plan my life, travel and party, never turns out the way i imagined.
i travel, i have near death experience in 35000 feet above ground, nevertheless hospital.
i get job, they go bankrupted.
i go on relaxing cruise , i get stormy sea.
i change job the market goes belly up.

anyway this past week i was watching opera ( i am an opera junkie ), her program was on how you can change your life and extend the years of your years by spending time with fun and young friends while drinking wine.

so i have planned and planned, i bought all the supplies and invited all the fun friends that were available in the area.
Sunday morning,
around 8:00 am, everything was going according as planned. it was beautiful sunny, 75 degree. not a cloud in site. i looked out of my window and said to myself, this is going to be perfect day. all the sudden i hear something or someone moaning. i go to see who it was. it was my husband, his back gave out. he was flat on the floor and couldn't roll to his side. i was counting on him in cleaning the house and be in charge of grill.
we spend 2 hours trying to get him up to his feet. with help of oxycodone, and lots aaahhh, he was finally moving around.
it is 11:00 am, i still have no lunch ready, while i am panicking in the kitchen, the dishwasher breaks.
12:00 the floor is vacuumed and kebob is ready, and i am thinking we can do this. all the sudden i see the wind picks up and dark cloud rolls in. i am still optometric, and trying to pull the Bar B Q under cover with help of my 12 years old daughter.
1:00 pm, it is pouring down rain. the grill doesn't stay on.
this is while the fun people and their children have arrived and they all trapped inside. kids are all running around and screaming, while we are trying to practice adding years to our lives.

by now, i have decided to start cooking inside, when i find out my stove is broken.

at 4:00 pm, i finally feed people some food.
at 6:00 pm after many glasses of wine and many more jokes later, we end the night.

so now , the dishwasher is working, husband is not hurting as much. the house is back to normal. i think to myself, living for many more years extra means exactly that. i would have more and more of bumps and hiccups ahead, for a longer period of time.

i guess what i need to add to my long journey ahead is not quantity of years and length.
it is to add quality to and widen the width of the years.
i need to enjoy everyday and every moment.
i have to stretch what i have now, before i rush ahead and plan for more. and always leave some room for disaster in my planning.
because wherever i go, my karma needs some room to wiggle around.

Reality and Sucess

there is no telling how many of us have never become what we wanted to be, simply because we believed that it could never really happen. yet think of all the others who refused to accept reality and chose instead to pursue their dreams, to attempt the unattainable.
therefore, i live without certainty in an ongoing experiment without regard to the cards i hold. i recognize that others are playing the same game and have the cards of their own. thus reality remains an illusion, as we wonder and worry where the ship of fate will take us. the only reality is that we are here. it is up to each of us to follow our own dreams and desires in hopes that the reality we seek will indeed become so for us.
those who succeed do so despite reality, not becuase of it. the real success in life is to be able to create your own reality and success by viewing the world and those around you, as you want to believe they are.

i have a family who belive i am a good, fun, smart and wonderful person. i never attempt to alter their reality of me, no matter how mangified or larger than life it may be. instead, i try to live up to their image of me in hopes that someday it may be true.
make your reality whatever you want it to be and succeed.
love and peace

you can start a war whenever you want, but you can not finish it when you please.
so let's keep the peace.
firoozeh

i saw how waterfall lost her life when she jump from the rocks. i saw the long hair of snow got white when she was waiting for winter to come.
i saw how fire slept with ashes while watching the unfaithful smoke leaving her.
i saw how autumn was dropping the flowers and leaves when she lost the spring.
i saw how life goes on without me living it.
firoozeh

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